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Sunday, March 2, 2014

To My Mommy


It hurts. I understand the feeling of getting the air knocked out of your lungs when the realization that it's over crushes into the meat in between your ribs. I understand that the arguments that you and Daddy had that kept me up at night we're only little blemishes on your picture-perfect relationship. I understand that saying "I love you" doesn't always bring them back.

I have the same burning tears you tried to hold back every time you remember he's gone. For an instant, our hard exteriors disappear and we collapse. We cry. We scream. We beg. We ache. We pray. We curse.

We remember them. I know you must miss the first time you kissed each other. How much he snored in his sleep. The corny jokes he'd used to tell. The dumbest thing you two did together.

We both know how hard it is to lose our fathers, and now I understand how it feels to lose a partner. Your best friend. Your cheerleader. Your gladiator. Your role model. Your confidant. Your lover.

I know how hard we love. I understand the loneliness. The emptiness. The change. The numbness.

But we will always love them. Til death (or Facebook unfriendship) do us part.  



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